


When You're With Her, I Miss You

by mychemicallyromance



Category: My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Anal Sex, Cheating, Drinking, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealousy, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 15:20:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6912670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mychemicallyromance/pseuds/mychemicallyromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deep inside of Gerard’s heart, he always felt there was something still between them, that Frank would realize that it wasn’t just drunk kisses or touches—there was something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You're With Her, I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! so sorry for delays in all my other works. i have been busy af, and considering graduation is in like...5 days, i have to study for some exams that are next week and i haven't even done that. i had missed 3 days of school so far because i had gotten glasses and yesterday i had my wisdom teeth removed so im in some major pain right now because the drugs had worn off. whoops.   
> i will try and update my stories!!  
> stay tuned!

Gerard could remember everything so clearly—he could remember what he was doing that day or what he was wearing when he heard Frank come to his home, smelling like cheap perfume and weed. They were best friends for a long time, until that day. That day was almost four years ago, but Gerard didn’t want to give up—to give up hope. Deep inside of Gerard’s heart, he always felt there was something still between them, that Frank would realize that it wasn’t just drunk kisses or touches—there was something more. He could never tell Frank that, though.

 

Maybe that was why Frank had moved on, that the touches stopped, and moved onto someone younger, someone prettier than Gerard could ever aim to be. Frank wanted someone—a female, not some old fag that always thought his brother’s friend was hot. When they were younger and Mikey wasn’t at the house, Frank would visit Gerard, and hung out with them—they became close, they shared things they couldn’t tell Mikey as he wouldn’t understand. Mikey was the good kid. Gerard was the fuck up that Frank could relate to, up until now.

“Gerard! Guess what, man,” Frank had said, almost bouncing off the wall. Gerard looked up from his sketch book, cracking his back and finally locking eyes with Frank.

“What?” Gerard asked, one eyebrow raising. He hadn’t seen Frank that happy in a while.

“I met the prettiest girl, in like...the world,” Frank gushed about that woman. That girl that took Frank. Gerard could feel his heart slowly breaking, shattering shards of glass—puncturing his stomach and threatening to break threw. “Like, yes, I am high and—”

“You smell of cheap perfume and weed,” Gerard stated blankly.

“I guess, but like she’s gorgeous. Her name is Jamia—isn’t that pretty?” Frank asked, his cheeks tinted red as he continued to talk about Jamia. Jamia _this_ , Jamia _that_.

“What does she look like?” Gerard turned around to face his sketchbook again, sighing to himself as he tried to be the friend who would listen to Frank rant about _Jamia_.

XXX

1 year later

Gerard’s phone rang, the F. R. I. E. N. D. S theme song blowing up the quiet apartment. Gerard moved a few empty beer cans out of the way to get to his phone. Gerard looked at the caller I.D., even though he knew who it was—it was Frank. Gerard answered the call, knowing Frank was going to talk first—he always did. Gerard would barely get a word in before Frank was talking about useless shit or conversations that he and Jamia had, or what they’re doing for the weekend, or if Gerard could hang out. At the mere age of twenty-five and having Frank as a best friend, he can’t lie about having friends. Or say his Mom said no. Frank knows he lives alone now that he had finished college.

“Gerard, you will never believe this—” That’s how it always started if it was about Jamia. Gerard sighed and urged Frank to go despite not wanting to hear this. “I proposed to Jamia, Gee. She said yes.”

“That’s awesome, Frank. You didn’t tell me you were going to propose,” Gerard said, trying to think if Frank had or hadn’t, it was hard to say though since he spent half of his time getting drunk. Trying to get those moments that he and Frank had before Jamia, and it was tiring to put on a front for Frank when all Gerard wanted to do was cry and confess his love for him, but he couldn’t be a homewrecker, no matter how much he loved him...

“I didn’t want to risk anything, you know? I kept it a secret,” Frank said to him. “Like I didn’t want to back out and then tell everyone I did, or have Jamia over hear it, and get excited. I just wanted to do it without anyone’s opinions.” Gerard always said since day one, that he doesn’t like Jamia. Jamia didn’t seem like Frank’s type. But neither was Gerard. Gerard was just his best friend, unfortunately.

“We should hang out soon,” Frank said, trying to make conversation.

“I’m always busy,” Gerard sighed. This is how every phone call ended with, when both of them fell silent due to lack of conversation. “Just like me know your free day and I’ll let you know mine.” Before Frank could respond, Gerard hung up and grabbed his beer.

It was a constant cycle.

_A FEW MONTHS LATER…_

It was roughly around two p.m. when Gerard’s phone started going off, he answered it. “Hello?” he said, even though he knew who it was. Gerard’s phone was only called by Frank now that his family basically disowned him because of his selfish and destructive behaviors. It didn’t matter anyway, it wasn’t their life to dictate. If he wanted to get better, he would’ve, but he doesn’t want to. He told them to fuck off.

“Hey! So, I’m gonna come over,” Frank said, it already sounded like he was driving. “So, clean yourself up—I can’t come home smelling like booze again. Jamia will have my ass.” Frank laughed at what he said.

“I smell like booze and my house is a mess,” Gerard told him, feeding Frank excuses even though it was no lie he smelled of booze and his house looked like a liquor store.

“Clean it up. I’ll be over in fifteen minutes—I’m bringing Chinese!” Frank said, hanging up before Gerard could protest anymore.

Gerard mumbled under his breath

_A YEAR LATER_

Gerard looked at himself in the mirror, adjusting his tie and suit, and making sure he didn’t reek of booze that he drowned himself in a few hours prior to waking up. The bags under Gerard’s eyes had worsen since he started drowning himself, to get rid of any emotion he had towards Frank. Honestly, he had no idea why he was still trying for Frank, why risk his mental health? Maybe it was just easier to keep going than to explain his reasoning for leaving. Maybe it was just easier to lie than admit his feelings, Gerard would never know. Gerard sighed, dusting himself off before leaving to go to the wedding.

As he was driving, he wished he could come up with a lie to tell Frank—that he had fallen sick, or that his Mom needed him, but he realized he couldn’t. As Frank, Mikey, and Gerard grew up together, their parents got close with each other. Frank knew Donna’s number, he knew when Gerard was lying too...there was no wait out of this disaster. Gerard parked his car when he had gotten to the venue, a small Catholic church that Jamia’s Mom had set up for them. It wasn’t anything special, it was just a church ceremony.

Gerard had opened up his car door to get out and meet Frank, but Frank was already walking close to him. Gerard sighed and forced a smile to put his front to Frank, and they forced a hug. It was awkward, really awkward. They both could tell.

“Hey, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other. You haven’t changed,” Frank said, smiling at Gerard. “You never call me anymore, I have to call you.”

“I’m busy, I told you that,” Gerard sighed. “So, Jamia’s Mom put this together?”

“Yes, she’s so nice, Gerard,” Frank gushed. “She helped us through our money issues. Um, the ring I got Jamia didn’t fit anymore so I had to get another.” Frank started started to wring his hands, a thing he did when he had something to hide.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Gerard asked, grabbing Frank’s hands to stop him from being so nervous. “You always wring your hands when you’re hiding something.”

Frank pulled his hands away, running his fingers through his slicked back hair. “So, Jamia is pregnant,” he blew out a long breath. “I found out like...five months ago. I tried telling you but you didn’t answer your phone.” Frank smiled shyly as he told Gerard the news.

Honestly, Gerard could feel his heart breaking all over again but Gerard should’ve suspected this—they had gotten married rather early than a normal couple. Why did Frank want this life? Gerard could give him so much better than Jamia _ever_ could! Jamia wasn’t worth of Frank’s love or should be in his life. Gerard could show him what it’s like to not be used. Ever since Gerard had met Jamia, she seemed needy and annoying—always wanting to know that Frank was hers, no one elses. He wasn’t even allowed to have friends who were girls. Frank had given up his music career for her. He had given everything up for that bitch.

“I’m...I’m happy for you,” Gerard said, sighing softly and hugged Frank before walking into the venue to meet Mikey. “Where’s Mikey?” he asked Frank.

“Uh, over there…somewhere?” Frank said, slightly distracted by Jamia’s Mom coming over.

Gerard walked over to Mikey and sighed, laying his head onto his boney shoulder. “Hi,” Gerard muttered. “Do they have alcohol here?”

“No, but the men are getting drunk tonight after they leave for their honeymoon,” Mikey said, rubbing Gerard’s shoulder to comfort his brother.

“Why does Frank have to get married?” Gerard asked. “She’s a cunt. Does he not know that?!”

“You need to chill,” Mikey said. “She’s a bitch, yes but Frank loves her and is happy with her. You gotta be happy for him.”

“I know this,” Gerard whined. “I’d be so much better for him! Does he not realize this either?!”

“Stop—be happy for him,” Mikey scolded, looking at his jealous brother.

“Why risk my happiness to make sure he’s happy?” Gerard asked, looking up at his brother. Really, he was risking his happiness and he could feel himself slipping into a horrible depression each time they speak about Frank or Jamia. Frank was his soul mate. His person. Jamia took over that, and basically Gerard had to kick himself out of the picture.

“If he’s affecting you that badly, then maybe you need to not talk to him and stop being his friend,” Mikey sighed. “Every time we talk, it’s about Frank. We all used to be best friends, Gee.”

“I love him, though,” Gerard whimpered. “I can tell he’s not happy with her!”

“You think I don’t know this?” Mikey snapped at him, not wanting to keep going on in circles with him. “I told you way before Jamia came along, that maybe you should tell him how you feel but _no_ , you wanted to hold off. Now look where it has gotten you.”

Gerard sighed sadly, knowing his brother was right and there was nothing he could do. Gerard just really wanted a drink to calm his nerves but Jamia’s Mom was against alcohol at venues that included small children. Wine, beer, anything alcoholic was not at this wedding—not even champagne. Frank was the perfect son-in-law, now wasn’t he?

“Attention! Attention, everyone,” Frank said, clearing his voice to continue speaking. “Jamia and I would like to thank _everyone_ for coming. The actual ceremony will begin in a few short moments, thank you.” After that, Frank hopped off stage and walked towards Mikey and Gerard.

“Heya boys,” Frank said, hugging Mikey tightly. “I can’t believe I’m getting married today.”

“What’s taking so long?” Mikey asked.

“Since J is pregnant, she wasn’t able to fully fit in her dress...causing it to rip, so they’re trying to sew it back up. We forgot to buy a new dress. Um, luckily, my Mom and her Mom were able to get everything fixed and put on,” Frank said slowly.

“You okay?” Mikey asked.

“Yeah, just nerves, you know?” Frank told him, breathing deeply. “I just...I can’t believe I’ll be a husband and a father.”

“How far along is Jamia?” Mikey started making more conversation with Frank, as Gerard just zoned out into his own world that involved him and Frank, no Jamia. When they were younger, Frank wasn’t wanting to be a father—hell, he had explicitly said he didn’t want to be a dad…he wanted to be a musician. He wanted to go places and not be tied down. He was only nineteen when he had met Jamia at a bar, or wherever it was.

“She’s six months, I think? I dunno,” Frank chuckled. “I don’t understand the whole pregnancy thing.” The lights started lowering, people started sitting and the boys all knew what time it was. Frank hurried off to the alter and waiting for his...beloved wife.

  


_TWO YEARS LATER_

Frank had called Gerard up as he was on his way to Gerard’s for only God knows what this time. Ever since Jamia and Frank had tied the knot, and had the twins—fucking twins—they had been fighting constantly—Jamia even got physical once. She had left bruises on Frank, but Frank only laughed it off when Gerard asked about it.

When Frank had called this time, Gerard could hear Frank sniffling in the background. “Hey, uh...I’m coming over, is-is that okay?” he asked, his voice breaking as he continued to sniffle. “I know it’s late, Gee—” _Gee,_ Frank had said his old nickname. “I just need to get away from the house.”

“Of course, c’mon—I’m awake anyway,” Gerard said.

“Thanks,” Frank said, and then hung up.

It had only been fifteen minutes when Frank showed up, the girls beside him, and a tiny suitcase—for what Gerard assumed for the night—and the girls’ teddy bears. Gerard opened the door for the three of them, leading the girls into the bedroom as it was pretty late for them to be awake. Frank sat at the table after he laid the girls down in Gerard’s bed.

“I cannot thank you enough,” Frank said, finally started to break down as he had to hold himself together in front of the girls. “I don’t know why I married her. She’s awful to me, Gee. What do I do?”

“I don’t know, Frank,” Gerard told him, handing him a beer out of the fridge. “I can tell she’s been a burden on you.”

“I hate fighting in front of the girls. She get’s mean, _violent_ ,” Frank told Gerard, even though Gerard has heard it all. “She hits me, hard, and I know I’m supposed to be man about it but...it’s not fair! You have no idea how much hell it’s been. I love these girls, I do, but if I could go back now and not marry Jamia...I would.”

“We’re gonna need more than just a beer,” Gerard said, sighing as he got out more booze that was stronger than just beer.

“Ah yes,” Frank said, sniffling even though there was a smile on his face. “I thank you so much for this, y’know. How about we watch Star Wars while we chit chat and drink our feelings away?”

Gerard chuckled. “Sounds good,” he said, shrugging a bit.

  


During the movie, the two men had snuggled closer without realizing it. Frank had been emotional that day, and it was pretty late but he knew he couldn’t fall asleep no matter how tired he truly was, but when he realized how close Gerard was, it felt comfortable and comforting to him. Gerard was his best friend, and nothing would change that. Hell, even their past while being drunk, it didn’t matter to him. Those were just drunken memories that he didn’t care to think about, until now.

Frank pulled away and realized how buzzed he truly was. Gerard looked at Frank and smiled. “Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” Frank said back. “It’s getting pretty late. It’s like—” Frank looked at his watch, “1 A.M.”

“Shit, sorry for keeping you up,” Gerard apologized.

“It’s okay. I had fun, it made my night better,” Frank told him, putting a hand on Gerard’s thigh. Gerard was a little more tipsy than Frank was.

They both looked at each other, and before Frank or Gerard could comprehend what was about to happen, their lips were connected. It was like they were teenagers again, not knowing whether they should be doing this. It was like their first kiss. It felt sinful, it felt amazing, but they knew if anyone found out...they would be in deep trouble. It was a secret. Frank knew Gerard always had feelings for him, but he never said so. It was always obvious, though. Even before Jamia. However, as he got to thinking about Jamia, he didn’t want to stop—he wanted this to keep going. It almost made him forget everything.

They had pulled away, looking at each other—wanting to make sure the other was okay with this. Frank nodded his head, climbing onto Gerard’s lap and kissing him again. Gerard’s lips were so soft, they felt amazing. Gerard was soft as well. Frank held onto Gerard’s face as Gerard had held Frank’s hips, they had started grinding against each other—wanting to be closer than they already were. Frank could feel Gerard harden in his pants, and he was pretty sure it was the same for him as his pants grew smaller.

“I want you, please,” Frank moaned quietly. “I need you inside of me. Please, Gee?”

Gerard nodded. “You sure?”

“Yes,” Frank told him, climbing off of him to lay on the couch.

Gerard pulled Frank’s pants and boxers off of him, then flipped him over so he was laying on his stomach. Gerard pulled Frank’s cheeks apart, admiring his body, making Frank wait and beg for his tongue—Gerard knew that Frank loved it. Gerard leaned down, licking over Frank’s hole teasingly. Gerard smirked when he noticed how needy he was already getting as he was humping the couch. A thin sheen of sweat already forming on Frank’s body as Gerard continued to tease him. Gerard slowly touched Frank’s hole with his thumb, feeling it quiver against his touches.

“Please, Gee—I want your tongue,” Frank whined, pushing his ass against Gerard’s face. “I need it.”

“You need it, huh?” Gerard teased, the sex dripped from Gerard’s voice as he kissed up Frank’s back to his hear, he grinding his still clothed cock against Frank. “You feel what you’re doing to me? Fucking making me hard.” Frank nodded, his breathing erratic. “I want you to beg for it, baby.”

“Please, I need it so bad,” Frank told him, still pushing back to show how bad he needed it.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Gerard teased him, he kissed his way back down to Frank’s hole. He spread Frank open again, glancing at his perfect hole, and went back to town as he ate Frank out. Frank was making gorgeous noises as Gerard inserted his tongue into Frank, and he slid his finger along side his tongue. Gerard could hear Frank making soft curses as he tried to remain quiet, to not wake up the girls.

Gerard pulled away, putting his fingers into Frank’s mouth. “Suck,” he demanded. “Fucking choke on my fingers, Frankie.” Frank obeyed, sucking his fingers into Gerard’s mouth, getting them super wet.

“Finger me, please—I need it,” Frank said, spitting Gerard’s fingers out.

Gerard slid his wet fingers down Frank’s back, finally reaching his wet hole. Slowly, he inserted two fingers at once, started a slow pace with his fingers as he got Frank used to it since it had been awhile for the both of them. The needier Frank had gotten, the faster Gerard started to finger him.

“I need you inside me,” Frank said as Gerard pulled his fingers out.

Gerard pulled his pants and boxers down, stroking himself a little bit before slowly pushing into Frank’s slicked ass. Pleasure had came over both of them as Gerard slid inside and halted as Frank needed time to adjust to Gerard’s length. Frank was already breathing heavy as he tried to not be so tense at the uncomfortable pain, but soon enough he gave Gerard the go ahead.

At first the pace was slow, an inch at a time, but it was teasingly slow. “Faster,” Frank pleaded, pushing back. Gerard sped his pace up, his skin hitting Frank’s as the pleasure mounted into unbelievable. Honestly, he never thought he and Frank would ever be this intimate again when he had gotten married, but he had always hoped. Part of him thought maybe this was a dream and that he would wake up anytime now, but it wasn’t. He had also hoped Frank wouldn’t regret this in the morning…

Frank slammed his hips back as he felt himself getting closer and closer to his release. Frank snaked a hand under himself and started stroking his cock in time with Gerard’s thrust. There was a coil feeling in his stomach as he got closer and closer. It had only taken a few more thrusts until Frank had came all over his hand. His body had tightened around Gerard’s length, giving Gerard more pleasure. For him, he had came not too long after, spilling into Frank. Frank felt Gerard slowly pull out of himself, walking into the bathroom to get a rag to clean Frank up.

After cleaning himself and Frank, he snuggled up beside him. “We should really get dressed before we fall asleep and the girls see us,” Gerard told him.

“That’s true. I do not want to explain to them why we’re naked,” Frank told them. “They’re at the age where they realize that boys and girls are not the same.”

“Yeah, c’mon,” Gerard said, playfully smacked Frank’s ass.

The next day, Gerard had woken up and realized there was a note beside the coffee table saying, “Sorry. Jamia wanted me home.”

 

_Three months later…_

It had been three months since the boys had talked to each other. It had caused Gerard so much distress to only be used for pleasure from Frank. Yes, they were sort of wasted but they both consented and wanted each other. Frank did cheat on Jamia, but that was his choice. But then Gerard felt bad because it takes two people to have sex.

When Frank finally called, it was around 9 at night. Over the phone, he could tell that Frank had been crying or been in distress by the tone of his voice. “Hey,” he said. “So, um, sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve called but, uh, Jamia found out about the incident. I thought after she found out we’d get better but...she just filed divorce papers. They might take my girls away.”

“I’m so sorry, Frank,” Gerard told him.

“Um, so I was wondering if I could stay with you until this disaster blows over. I’m filing for custody for the girls,” Frank said.

“Sure, you can stay with me,” Gerard said.

  


When Frank had made it over, Gerard could tell that Frank had went through hell that day and the past couple months. Somehow, though, he could tell Frank didn’t regret the night they had slept with each other, but Gerard hoped that Frank didn’t just use him to get a divorce with Jamia. He really needed the whole story from Frank.

Frank had brought some suitcases with him but the twins were not with him. “Where’s the girls?” Gerard asked as soon as he came inside.

“Uh, they’re with my mom,” Frank said. “Jamia and her Mom want nothing to do with me, so I just brought them over to my Mom’s.”

“Smart, I guess,” Gerard said, sitting with Frank on the couch. “Tell me what happened.”

“It’s a long story,” Frank sighed, his leg shaking nervously as he wanted to tell Gerard but physically couldn’t without feeling ill.

“It’s okay. I’m here to listen, Frankie,” Gerard said, putting a hand on Frank’s shoulder to comfort him. “You can tell me anything.”

“I just...Gee, what we did that night brought so many memories back and it festered into my sex life with Jamia—I couldn’t perform without thinking of you inside of me. I tried so hard to forget that night, but I couldn’t. You’re more than a best friend to me and I never realized that, at all. Finally, I had told her and she blew up in my face. Which, I guess, was expected. She knew when we got together long ago that I was bisexual or bi-curious, or whatever it’s called...but I fell in love with her—she didn’t care! You and Mikey were only my true friends, more so you. She never expected for me to fall for you, so she gave me a chance,” Frank said as he huffed out a breath. “I tried so hard to just be your best friend, Gee. I wanted Jamia. You know of all the nights that I talked about her—I truly cared for her and wanted to be in her life because I always thought our drunk touches were just us being lonely since we hadn’t really had anyone in a very long time. Hell, we were our first kisses! But I should’ve known...that mine and J’s love wasn’t really there. I guess I cared for her as a friend and never realized it until that night. The girls were miracles, yes, I would never regret having them.”

“I know you don’t regret them,” Gerard said, wanting to say something as Frank told the story. “Just like you don’t regret the night that we had sex.”

Frank was silent at first, only his breathing was able to be heard. “You’re right,” he finally said. “However, I just want my life back when it was good.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wish I had chosen you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments?  
> Twitter: mychemicallyrom


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